Sarah: What’s your major? [Bethany shrugs] Kelly: She lost it. Bethany: Mhm, put it in my back pocket on the first day of school then I washed it… now it’s all blurry. I think it starts with a six.
Okay, Bethany. You know, there miiight be a fly struggling to survive in there somewhere, but there are no sharks in my pool. -kelly
[Kelly points to next row of family members at a wedding] "We are now entering the sixth circle of hell"
Now this [points to an ancient pot] is 2000 years older than this [points to another pot]. This is from Abraham's time. [Turns over the pot] Oh!! I've never read this before: "This belongs to Abraham!" -dr. williams
We're going to control them like puppets until Jesus comes. -kelly
Brittany: I don't think chickens have butts... Kim: You're right. They just hold it all in... it comes out in their eggs.
Brittany: He likes the way my eyes look, what does that mean? Kim: You mean asian?
I'm scratching my back with a pair of scissors, forgive me. -nick
I feel like Spok... but I've never seen Star Trek. -allison
And as it goes down my digestive tract, help it be fruitful and not multiply. -allison
I'm a Brit born in an American's body! Boo! Hiss! -allison
Allison: Do you use capital H's for Jesus? Bethany: ... Allison: What'd I say? Bethany: H's for Jesus? Allison: Ohhh... I meant "He."
Okay why is your toilet not perpendicular to your wall, like it should be?! -allison
Allison: I don't like the sentence "smothered with tears." Bethany: Yeah, she's not being suffocated by them... Kelly: Unless they went in her nose.
You're a stalker of words! -allison
Kylee: He's a hunka hunka burnin' love. Bethany: My roommate is Elvis.
Calm down, it's just a slice of popcorn. -allison
What if someone were trying to steal my genius? Where would I keep it? On a flashdrive. In my purse. They would know this. Except... do you really think I could fit my entire genius on a 1 gigabyte flashdrive? -kelly
I think I just failed a personality test. -kylee
I'm going to DIE! Did you hear about that?! If you don't get enough sleep, you DIE!! -kelly
9-1-1 was the one thing that was drilled into our heads, you know? 911!!! What's your address?! What's your phone number?! Don't say something nice if you can't say anything at all!!! -kelly
Kelly: Well... we can just use one earbud each... Bethany: Well if Moses did it, so can we.
My nose is runnin' like a boy with his pants on fire. -page
I have an issue with hairs and I have a thing because I've never lived with a bunch of girls- and they ALL shed- they're like big sheddy shed things! -allison
I don't think God is a black woman... just throwin' that out there. -kylee
Patrick is a biscuit-y name. -allison
It's a good thing blind people don't do rubix cubes. -kylee
Bethany: Haha, I can tell you're not a science major- Kelly: Oh. Yeah, well. I'm not an expert on physics. I'm no physician.
I want to be in a relationship with Jesus, but facebook won't let me! -kylee
Kelly, that's a little more than a white lie, that's a vanilla bean lie, it's a little darker. -bethany
We're just gonna be fat and die. That is my life. I don't want any more than that. -kelly
Newsflash, I am Joel Osteen. And as a ridiculously famous sermonizer, I recently dedicated my face to science. It's just all part of what we do. -nick
Bethany: Yeah, and it's just 75 cents- 75 cents of dimes wouldn't be considered valuable. Allison: 75 cents of dimes isn't possible...
Art history. That's where all failed undeclared people go. And do you know where they go if they fail that? Music history. And you know where they go if they fail that? High school. Again. -kelly
Feeling dejected? Alone? Like you want to crawl under a rock and die like Patrick when Spongebob is cancelled? -allison
I'm a music major, I don't need to know about beef. -davy chinn
He has a real messenger bag. I think he stole it from a postman! -kelly
Allison: I look like a poser... Bethany: ... what kind of poser? Allison: A librarian poser.
You've got a minivan and you're from Illinois- that automatically makes you cool. -kelly
Karen: Noah, I've been waiting a long time to tell you this, but I'm an alien. I'm from a planet... Kelly: -I thought we were going to tell him with a Powerpoint?
If I were Hitler... and my prejudice was against bad drivers- I would just set up detours, you know? Direct 'em all to one camp. -bethany
Did you hear about the guy whose nose fell off? They guy who climbed Mount Everest. It turned black and just fell off. His body was like, "You know what? You're cold, and we need your blood so... you're our sacrifice... to the mountain."
(october)
So what happens when you fill your quotebook? 'Cause I'm pretty frickin' hilarious. -kylee
You know what? I have some smoooth moves. HAHAHAHA- ew. That's gross. -christine
Augh, I should've done that but I was too much chicken. -bethany
Okay, don't judge me for this, but two guys dressed up in sumo wrestling costumes just didn't strike me as weird... -kylee
Have you seen our panda??? -two guys dressed in sumo costumes
That is correct. I am society's baton-wielding menace. -kelly
The Office applies to everyday situations... it's kinda like the Bible. -kelly
Genesis- Star Wars. What's the diff? Abraham- Luke. -kelly
"The music division is (REALLY) having an ice cream social-" -email from music department
Who is it who can't swallow pills? Oh. Me. -bethany
Bethany: You know what I'm high on? AUTUMN!!! Kylee: Katelyn's roommate?! Oh. Like the season.
Bethany: You know what? Nobody likes you. Kylee: Page, please nullify that statement.... Page? Page: I don't know what nullify means, so I can't help you.
It doesn't help that we're hookers. ... Rug hookers... Wait. I didn't tell you about that? We rug hook. -allison
I wasn't hungry until I saw your face. -allison
It was like a squeegy on a window meets the sound of guitar hero without the game... -allison
Remember that episode in Barney where- wait. Have we had this conversation before? -kelly
I was turning on my light with my head. Duh! -nick
Bethany: Sorry, I had to pause for the cause. Nick: Thank you. Bethany: You are not the cause. Nick: I am so the cause.
I wasn't in an orangey mood, I was in a more of a lemony pee-colored mood. -nick
Know who counts weird? Mayans. -nick
Bethany: If I told you I was writing an essay titled "The Admiration of DIsdain" and that the first sentence was "Cats like themselves," would you know where I was going with it? Kylee: ... No. What's disdain?
She's not mouth-handed! -ryan davis
(to Hannah) You are a verbal juggernaut. -john
I am a lotta things, but I'm not a home wrecker! -hannah
(Both take a sip from waterbottles...) Bethany: Great minds. Nick: Drink alike. Bethany: Wow, huh, that actually works.
Hey I'm trying to get ahold of Mother Teresa, got some digits? -shane claiborne
We had velcro walls, you know what those are? You like run and stick to the wall for Jesus. -shane claiborne
For instance if you own a porn shop and you become a Christian you MIGHT wanna rethink your job. -shane claiborne
I smelled my hand and it smelled like Christmas. -bethany
Hey what if I sue you? Because I have snow globes and the people inside them have feelings. -allison
Wanna see my fruit collection? I have a banana and an apple. So far. To be continued. -kelly
My bladder spoke first and my mouth caught up with it. -allison
Hold on, I'm cleansing my palette with my saliva so that I can taste each one individually and find out which ones best. -allison
What's the point of having an appendix if you can't eat rocks?! -kylee
I had vowed never to talk to you again, but I forgot when I called you this morning. -kelly
We need to instear the fill in them!! -kelly
Kelly, it's a drink made by Crayola and Splenda. Since when was that a healthy collaboration?! -bethany
LOOK HOW COOL MY CALCULATOR IS!! LOOK AT IT!! IT JUST DID THAT FOR ME!! ... 'Cept I got the wrong answer. [hysterical laughter] -kylee
Let's show those commies that we can have our cake and eat it too... until we become incredibly obese. -top gun REMIX, FNL
Bre (singing): Can you paint with all the colors of the wiiiind...? Merideth: Blue and clear. That's it.
I've seen some pretty unattractive short things in my lifetime. Oompa loompas- exhibit A. -allison
If you cut out your tongue, do you still salivate? -nick
Kylee: Quiet, Nick. She's a penguin. Bethany: Right. Because I wear black and white and I waddled. Nick: The orange beak doesn't hurt. And... you like to carry eggs between your feet.
Kylee: Man, I eat these things like candy. Bethany: Um... those are M & M's.
My brothers don't lift up their food to eat. They're hunters. I'm a gatherer. -kelly
(november)
Kylee: Ew. This was on the ground. Should I eat it? Bethany: Um, how long has it been there? Kylee: I... dunno. Bethany: Can't count it, don't eat it. Kylee: That's a good rule. Write that down.
You- make me laugh hard- so that my pants- become wet- with pee. -kylee
This video made me choke on my oriental flavored ramen. -nick
Well, everyone was getting tatoos and peircings. I thought I might as well cut my arm hair off! -merideth
You know... I think they should show more than just the world for Universal Studios... -kelly
Hahaha this is stupid. Well not stupid. Just unnecessarily important. -kylee
Bethany: I'm so excited! Wilbur Williams is coming into class dressed as Jeremiah tomorrow! Kylee: What does Jeremiah look like? Bethany: I dunno- Wilbur Williams with a hat on?
Yiddish? Where are the Yidds from? Oh, is that Polish? No, that would be Polish. -bethany
There are ALWAYS gift shops in my dreams, why is that? Like, everywhere you go, there's a gift shop! -christine
This might be a dumb question but... do you guys still have like Christmas trees and candy canes in California for Christmas? -kylee
I don't want to hear your preaching, I want to be like a zombie and eat your finger off! -umfundisi jim
The girl who I'm in love with is in the bathroom changing. -allison
Yeah, we eat eagles. -christine
Kelly (whispering to Kylee): I bet you they put Christmas lights on the palm trees. Bethany: We do. Kelly: But what they don't realize is that the fairies don't live in the palm trees...
Thesis, thesis; where art thou? -prof henson
I can't even make a circle with the help of a peanut butter jar!! -kelly
Okay, did I spell "Love, Ryan" right? Sometimes I can't tell. -kelly
I notice things. You know, details, like missing butts. -kylee
I don't want to brag but- I have a pretty efficient amount of hand fat. -kylee
Did I ever tell you about Mrs. Taylor who would cry and eat cookie dough the whole period? -kelly
It wasn't that interesting if you're tired... and it also isn't that interesting when you're awake... -bethany
'Cause sometimes for breakfast I just want... jello. -kelly
'Cause right now I'm sub-normal.... more like par-normal. -Panic at the Disco singing girl
And Medusa- if she would play anything, she would play the oboe. -kelly
I officially feel like I'm 8 years old and I'm in a fort and I'm getting really excited. -bethany
Bethany: What if I'm allergic to cocaine? Kelly: Then don't be a crack addict.
Bethany: Why is there a pitcher's mound in the middle of the lawn? Kelly: Well, there was a tree there. Then the rapture happened.
So it looks like physical appearance isn't important to the women, and looking at the men in this room some of you are pretty lucky. -prof. garner
Bethany, we're going to go scrape Christine's wax off. -nick
HOw can you possibly be looking at your calculus book and laughing? -bethany
And so sometimes when I'm tired I go cross-eyed. -kylee
You know what, as much as I have contemplated having as many chins as there are colors of the rainbow- you are wrong. -bethany
Usher. Let's kidnap Usher. -kylee
Bad time?! Bad time?! It's a bad time when you can't find a fat role? If that's true, I'm freaking ecstatic! Everyday of my life! -kylee
Ewoks. Those are from Star Wars. They speak Filipino. Google "Filipino Ewoks!" I'm serious! I'm telling you, you didn't believe me about the oompa loompas and look where that got us. -kelly
Don't wait for angels to tell you everything. Sometimes there will be old men *cough cough* with wisdom *cough cough* that will tell you whatever you need to hear. -dr. williams mages, and other content
(december)
That's unpossible! -kelly
Oh, is that where you live? We probably peed on your car one time. -bre
I think walking is just weird- when you think about it. Like, making your feet move... to get somewhere. It's just bizarre. -kylee
Guys are like eggs... 'cause you can have them any way you- wait. Guys are not like eggs!... Well... 'cause the Easter bunny hides them... no. See? No. -kylee
Guys are like... snowballs. Easy to make and hard to keep! Where is this COMING from?? Okay. Snowballs. Fun to play with, but hard to keep. -kylee
HAHAHAHA somebody from Canada's gunna kill you!!! -kylee
I would rather drill needles into my BUTTOCKS! -nick
I saw Blues Clues live and Joe was there!! -kelly
And they come in last with the positive score of negative Texas. -davy chinn
Dude, our blinds are messed up in so many places right now- like the Adams family. -kylee
Every time I think I'm gunna suffocate, I think of my hamster. -kylee
Did we adopt a cat? -kylee
An ostrich is like pottery and all their feathers are like writing. -page
Hey guys. Suggestion. You guys might want to take care of the candles and the knives that you left out. Mom might think something weird's goin' on. -kelly
Which is also true, but I like to grow a hippopotamus out of my eye. -kylee
Do I really look like Nick? That hurts my feelings! I don't want to look like NIck! He's ugly!... But just when he does *this*... which is most of the time! -kylee
I tongued my pen too much and now it has slobber on it! -kylee
It takes a special kind of person to lose things in plain sight. -kylee
I don't like the new Pope, he doesn't look very Popey. -ashley
Just because it's plastic doesn't mean it doesn't have feelings! -kylee
I do NOT like the flute. It's like my least favorite instrument. It like SERIOUSLY makes my teeth hurt. Why would anyone want to play such a squeaky instrument? -kylee
It's a buttless hippo! -brittany
Isn't Cleveland a continent? No, I mean, a country? I thought it was in Europe! -christine
The sun... then Mars. Wait. What? Where's Mars?! -christine
The sun's a planet, right? -christine
Spencer, what do I look like, a vineyard? -nick
It used to be fifty-fifty, now it's forty-ten. -chelsea
I'm in a drinking mood, but I don't drink. -nick
Looks like something you might put on your Barbie... when you're mad at her. -mom
Yeah, I'm like Dr. Phil to myself. -nick
Fong: How do you spell fur? Katrina: F-U-R. Fong: ... Reeeaaalllyyy...
I think Nick's had too much cocaine and light-flashing . -amanda
Katrina (to nick stein): Why do weird people attach themselves to you? Cory: It's your steely blue eyes.
Cory: Corwin Johnson was born on my birthday! Bethany: We're talking about famous people! Cory: Just... you... wait... Fong: Yeah, maybe one day a famous person'll be born on your birthday!
I can't resist Brad Pitt but... no. I can't resist Brad Pitt. -mikafong
I don't eat dry cereal unless... it's wet. -chelsea
Oh my dawg, it's a bird! -spencer
Stop it, I'm too tired to deal with my knees collapsing. -chelsea
This line's going to be backed up to the kazoo before you can say whippity-dippit. -bethany
You don't have corneas! ... Old people get 'em. -chelsea
San Francisco: Beezy Town, USA. -spencer
All these beezy's are effas. -chelsea
That is the sugar plumiest house I've ever seen! -chelsea
I almost said "autofatic demense fechanism." -nick
Bethany: Why are you mean to me? Nick: You're pale and I'm racist.
I don't know what the numbers are, but yeah, they don't lie. -nick
It was the preposition that was the death of me. -nick
Well if you get to buy Crystal Meth then I get to buy Morphine -woman at B&N
Oh look! The endoplasmic reticulum scarf! -nick
Boy, did she know how to hygiene. -matt
Good thing we sold our season tickets, I ain't goin' to no B's game. -chelsea
Monte Video is the capital of Paraguay. -chelsea
Do you ever shake yourself and your blood goes too fast? -chelsea
This dippy-dip's fo reals trippin' good. -chelsea
I'm a lesbian, I like girls... get it?? -nick
Don't shaft me with the mutes! -kensey
Monique: Does our friendship mean anything to you? Nick: It's worth a Pepsi.
Erin, your grammar has increased grammatically. -matt
There were only two teeth and they happened to be buck. -nick
I don't ever want to go back to Redwood- unless I have a grenade!! Haha, just kidding. -nick
Because I'm obviously black. -daniel
(january)
What's ashes? -christine
When I take 'em off it's low-def Spencer cable, and when I put 'em on it's high-def blue ray. -nick
I meant to say "liar." It came out "dead beat dad." -nick
They deep fry his air? -christine (?)
Matt made out with my hand... -nick
You know what they say, "Have pen- will conquer." -spencer
Matt: I'm gonna stuff your lobe in your ear drum.
Nick: OW! What, were you breed in captivity?!
Christine: We were all breed in captivity...
I'll get to that bridge when I cross it. -bethany
Everything else in my body's made of souls. -nick
[Christine's idea of cute baby names] Bun, Bon, BonBon, BunBun, BunBon, BonBu, Moo... BunMoo. -christine
2,700 baby names... there's gotta be a BunMoo somewhere. -nick
Fillet of bottom of my foot. -nick
That's a whole 'nother can of chickens! -bethany
Maybe he was reeaally skinny- so that his stomach LOOKED like legs! -christine
Christine: Moral of the story; don't go swimming if you're a big, fat lump.
Spencer: With no arms or legs.
I thought Baroque was like a kind of furniture. -christine
I think it's the University of California: Davis... that has a renowned program in enology, wine-making, and I think it would behoove you... to give them a call. -guy next to me in Pheonix airport
(to bethany) If you gained like 500 pounds, you'd be the funniest fat girl I ever knew. -katelyn
Did you have crack for dinner? -carissa
That would not be a balanced dinner, what is she thinking? Crack is not a food group!! -kylee
Kylee: Bethany says hi. Well, she actually just stuck her hand out and wiggled her little fingers.
Bethany: That's a WAVE! That's a legitimate wave!!
Kelly: Is that in the Lord's prayer?
Bethany: You know what... I think it might be.
Kelly: "People-watch unto others as other people watch unto you"
(Kelly reading a textbook) "When you are startled, your shoulders instantly shrug- it's a self-preservation instinct..." Self-preservation?... How. HOW? -kelly
Wasn't Paul Bunion that guy with the blue dog that ran around Michigan chopping down trees? -kelly
THe incarnation is, really, "God with meat," if you will. -Prof Smith
Dolphins don't get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say "I don't know who you ARE anymore after what you did yesterday!!" -Prof Smith
And he broke, what like 11 of the 10 commandments. -Prof Smith
For years I wanted to be the first asian Elvis -Umfundisi Jim
I brought my pokemon home!! -spencer
Bethany: Matt's that guy from Jurassic park
Matt: At least I'm FROM Jurassic park! Burn.
Electromagneticmagnitivity. -matt
Allison: Just recently he converted to Buddhism- and he has no previous connections to Buddhism. He has about as many connections to Buddhism as your or I do.
Bethany: My grandpa's Buddhist.
Allison: ...
Bethany: Just kidding. He's Lutheran.
[In reference to her inability to make her eyes go two different ways] I can invert but I can't... extravert? -allison
Allison: What's the opposite of invert?
Anne: Normal.
It's a very unassuming word, I mean, it could be... a mole... of the genus of the family... of the mole rat... -allison
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of them thar hills. -Prof Smith
[On underwater basket weaving:]
Kelly: Do you have to hold your breath or do they give you like a snorkle?
Bethany: I think it depends on what level you are.
They were like muggers who were like, "Guys, I suddenly feel the urge to JAZZ HANDS!!" -bethany
Bethany: I didn't realize how many serious attempts were made on Hitler's life.
Dad: Yeah... I actually did...
Bethany: You did? In 1940?
Dad: 1943. And also in 1957.
Bethany: Wasn't Hitler already dead then?
Dad: ... He was. Yes, it was after the fact. But I thought it was still worth a shot.
Coconuts are cow poop. -kelly
Man, I dropped the cap behind my desk... there is no retrieval. No saving THAT Private Ryan. -bethany
I will play with my foot. -kylee
Do you ever hear about historians "changing history?" I hear it at family picnics sometimes. -Prof Smith
I would sing it, but you wouldn't want that before 8 o'clock in the morning... or any other time of the day for that matter. -Prof Smith
That's another thing about the Hebrews, there's no Mrs. God. -Prof Smith
Enkidu takes a piece of fillet... fillet of bull of heaven... and just hurls it at the gods in contempt. -Prof Smith
If you're thinking of going on missions trips, don't even PRAY- just GO! -miles welch
It was kind of hard, you know, getting 3000 bullet crosses through customs... they did NOT know what was goin' on. -miles welch
I feel like if I had killed off my parents a while ago- my tuition would be paid for. -kelly
Bethany: Most people just call her "the Little Mermaid"
Kelly: How would you like it if people called you "the Little Human"
Sometimes... I get short people confused with children. -kelly
Because "my" is the prefix for "women" -allison
And you have emotional tension because of your conflicting... panda... eating... habits... -kylee
I'm sorry if I fooled you, but I don't do drugs. -kylee
I can refer you back to that great sociological movie... Wall-E. -Prof Kirkwood
We talked about that in Old Testament, about how the scribes writing the transcripts- DANG IT! I mean manuscripts, they didn't have college back then- anyways, when they were writing the transcripts- DANG IT! -kylee
Bethany: So... for you, hand-eye coordination isn't a brain function?
Kylee: Exactly. It's not natural.
People who have belts need butts? -stephanie
I resent the statement "those who can't do, teach." Because I can DO! -bethany
[On doing math homework] It's like being in a red convertible going 5 mph... it'd be a thing of beauty if I could just go faster! -kylee
I knew that pencil I stole in Walmart when I was 5 would come back to haunt me... -kylee
When God called Abraham, He didn't take him to MARS- He took him to Canaan. -Prof Smith
I would probably be fired if I had the Code of Hammurabi in place in this class and we were just poking peoples eyes out. -Prof Smith
If someone stole... what did they steal... if they stole a... bold tip... red... sharpie... and we executed him- you might say, "mmm... that's a little... excessive." -prof smith
Back when I was a college student, I used to walk to class five miles in 6 feet of snow, up hill, both ways in negative 10 degrees and I only had newspaper to cover my feet and two socks, for my ears. My ears were actually bigger then. -dad
Bethany: So... your stomach slapped your face?
Kelly: Yeah. He comes out sometimes
[on hamburger helper] I wouldn't trust that. Unless I didn't have anything else to trust- then I would trust it. -allison
I don't know if something ahppened in my childhood or something, but for some reason I don't like butter... -anne
I have trouble keeping all my thoughts in a train. -allison
Are sea horses real... or are they like unicorns? -kylee
They call 'em schools of fish because fish are boring... and school is boring... and they call herds herds because they have hooves so you can hear them so they're heard... I haven't figured out flock yet.. -kylee
Kylee: What does your big rump have to do with breaking the law?
Merideth: I'm gonna go stand on a corner for a couple minutes.
I really like the smell of wet paper towels... -kylee
[talking to herself about nursery rhymes] I wonder why the plate... chose the spoon... and not the fork. I mean, with a fork you can cut... and stab... and scoops... it just seems like the fork would be more beneficial to the plate. -kylee
I have an OT test to study for, I don't have TIME to go to Kansas! -allison
(february)
[in a new jersey accent] NO! TransCRIBE! You are TRANSferring the CRIBE... to anotha place. -nick
I don't like being compared to an unchinese chinese man -kylee
I feel like Kyle's going to look back on himself in 10 years from now and be very disappointed. -bethany
I actually took my squirrelly pill this morning, so it's having it's usual side effects. Squirrelliness, randomocity... craving for ALL kinds of nuts... bushier tail. -nick
I'm Kylee German. My last name persecuted the Jews. -nick
I would always get bogged down by the weird laws after chapter 20 where, I think, reading-the-Bible plans go to die. -Prof Smith
I don't know what Confucious looks like, but I know how to spell his name! -anne
This is an easy song to remember, half the words are in the lyrics. -bethany
You can't cook waffles on a grill, Katelyn! GOSH! SHUT UP! -katelyn
[on pomegranate jet tea] It tastes like... a pop up book... from elementary school. -allison
A lot of elephants died in the alps, what they discovered was elephants don't like snow -prof smith
Bethany: There's a reason why God didn't make us all like stick figures
Kelly: Yeah, 'cause girls didn't want to have to wear skirts all the time.
[reminiscing her life as a Jr. Higher] I'm vulnerable. I'm 10 years old. And my mom dressed me like this. Please mock me. -kelly
Actually, this whole "fasting" thing has really freed up my schedule! -kelly
Don't you like monkeys?! All they HAVE is feet! -anne
See, we had this dream of having a lot of kids, ad with a four-slotted toaster you can crank out a lotta kids!!... I mean, toast. -peter whatshisname
My roommate! My roommate is black! -kylee
(march)
Bethany: I have a question. What's the point of decof caffee?
Kelly: I'm just gonna let that go.
You don't have to talk. Talking if for horses... and dogs... and people. -anne
You just have to assume that everything on me is dirt. -bethany
Are you trying to make a clown? 'Cause that's just a "J" with a leaf on it. -anne
The firetruck guy came and was like "are you conscious" and I was like "yes... i'm conscious. -christine
No!!! That's illegal in all seven states. -christine
Sometimes I feel like I should make t-shirts that say "School's great. I'm doing good." -kelly
There's nothing quite as bad as having a nice rug and a crappy blender. Nothing worse. -kelly
At least it's even consumption, you know? Input and exput. -kylee
Have you ever considered a career as a traveling bard? -kelly
Being a little bit sinful is like being a little bit pregnant- you either is or you aint'! -doctor smiley
I can't have caffeine, but I can have pepper! -anne
I don't think I'm happen unless there's something physically wrong with me. -allison
My butt is really hot and my arms are cold. Does that ever happen to you? -kelly
Bethany: I feel like you like naps more than people- and food- and anything.
Kelly: Just on weekends! ... Aaand during the week.
He was kidnapped! HE WAS TAKEN BY NAKED IRISH PIRATES! HE was-... I'm serious! -prof smith
Mom, I need sandals! You won't pay for college but for some reason you'll buy me anything else! -guy behind me in teter cafe
Bethany: How do squirrels hibernate?
Kylee: Bethany, do I have to explain everything to you?
Look at those three as a pair. -bethany
Bethany So... would you have a pink tail if you were a squirrel?
Kylee: No! That would defeat the purpose of being a squirrel!
Bethany: I'm using everything of yours of late.
Kylee: Better than of early.
Kylee: Can I borrow this? My Bible got appled.
Anne: Technically, you appled your own Bible.
I think it's preposterous that no one got her a goldfish bowl. That's a staple at every home. -kelly
[both staring at a clock, mesmerized]
Bethany: It's all for the sake of science, Kelly
Kelly: Are you blinking?
Bethany: I don't know. Is my mouth half open?... I just blinked
Bethany: What would happen if I fed my plant caffeine?
Anne: It would... not sleep.
Bethany: What time is the meeting? Is it 10 or 10:30
Kylee: 10:15
Bethany: That's confusing
If I could have any kind of pet, I'd have a Siberian tiger... or a whale. -katelyn
(april)
It doesn't mean I'm in a mood it just means I'm stupid! -kylee
My mom used to keep me in a fanny pack. -brittney
I keep my pillow in a safe. The password is "pillow." -anne
Bethany: I feel like the old people are watching us...
Anne: Well, they can suck it.
Anne: I wish we were born in that age.
Bethany: I don't. I like toilets.
Half a bus! Bethany's team! -kylee
I have a quotebook in my kangaroo patch! Wait. Poach... pouch. -anne
Anne: Guys, what if I didn't have any legs?
Merideth: Then you would ride around on a rollerblade
Anne: You mean skateboard?
One time I got a grasshopper stuck in my pants! -anne
Personally, I know I would like to stroke Davy Chinn's unibrow all night long. -Levi McClish
Your dad's name is Puff Daddy. I read it on your birth certificate! -anne
I don't get slap-happy, I get slap-angry. -bre
Kylee: I don't know where you put your lotion.
Bethany: Me neither. ANd our room smells like video games.
I have a problem. Not like a diagnosed problem but a problem. My mom says it's all mental. -kylee
I thank GOd for excretion, okay? -allison
[Proof that allison's deaf]
Bethany: Blame Ryan
Allison: What about librarians.
I love it when people combine senses. That smells tasty. -rachel
I love dreddings, winks all around!!! -chelsea
Just hide. Just hid when you have hiccups. That's what my mom always told me. -anne
Is that a food group?... Pretzels. -anne
I think Elvin sounds like a name of someone with a flat head, don't you think? ... Squished this way. -kylee
[As bethany is coughing loudly, chokin' on an ice cube]
Oh good, you're choking. I can do the heimlich. Or I can breathe hot air down your throat and melt the ice cube. -kylee
[Kylee on the phone]
If you're in your room- you're cutting out. If you're not in your room, you're STILL cutting out and I don't know where you are. -kylee
[talking about taxes]
Um, i've been meaning to talk to you about your Alaskan fund dividends... you need to do something with the caraboo this year... or you will be taxed. -dad
If I didn't know me and somebody told me that someone's name was Anne Peters, I would think they were an old woman. -anne
I think that's why they don't dance at Indiana Wesleyan. So we don't get the plague. -dr. smith
Kelly: I have very sensitive thighs.
Allison: Really?
Kelly: No.
Sometimes I forget how long my arms are. -AC
You just tongued my Ale8 -davy
These bricks are really nice. You know how you touch some bricks and you're like "ugh- these bricks are kinda soft" -kylee?
THROW IT UP? Fine! I'll throw it up RIGHT in your mouth! LIke a bird! Feeding it's young! How do you like that? -anne
Allison: You missed it. At oe point they were both playing bazookas.
Bethany: You mean kazoos.
You wanna KNOW everybody, you gotta BE everybody- otherwise you NOBODY! -anne
No, but I wont the "dying" game! -anne
(may)
Bethany: You didn't step in it?
Lauren: Or like it with your toes?
When you were a kid, did you ever pretend to be blind for a day? Like, sometimes I took showers blind. Just to see if I could do it. Sometimes I cheated... there was no one to keep me accountable. -anne
I can make a cat out of your journals! I can make a thousand cats! -anne
Anne: There's no "C" in itinerary.
Bethany: Only if you're being close-minded
I'm not great at any kind of math. It's because my mom taught me and she's not a great magician in the first place... wait. -anne
Bethany: When I think of Mel Gibson, I think of the Patriot.
Anne: Really? I think of You've Got Mail.
(Maybe she's thinking of You've Got Mel?... Haha. Write that down.)
Bethany: Here's the problem with casts- they're too cute and they're too aloof. THat cat's appearance calls for me to squeeze it until it pops. That cat is too prideful to allow me to squeeze it until it pops.
Anne: Yeah, it's pride, not biological needs.
Remember on Nickelodeon there was this alien- this black kid- not that it matters but it might jog your memory- anyways, he was an alien. -anne
Marta: Is it appropriate?
Anne: It's not disappropriate.
Anne: What's the opposite of a ladder?
Bethany: A hole.
Anne: ...
Bethany: What facilitates going up? A ladder. What facilitates going down? A HOLE!