senior year

September

Are we going to Munci or Kokonut? -Mike

All the world's a stage. Y'all are playahs. -Allison

I'm not racist, I'm descriptive! -Mike

Even if it's heresy, be bold! -Dr. Bounds

Will I be okay without my folks, dog? -Anne and Umfundisi Jim's powerpoint

Mike, did you lose weight or did you gain hair? -Andrew H.

You guys want to guess what my favorite part of the Smithsonian was? Julia Child's kitchen. -Zach Aument

Isn't that a lemon?! Oh... it's an ice cube. -Rachel

I hate true and false. They're from Satan himself. -Dr. Bressler

If I say "transcendental existentialism," it's not a disease you get from using Pert shampoo too much.  -Dr. Bressler

Shoot. I said "shoot," by the way. S-H-O-T... shot. ...? -Dr. Bressler

He just rhymed "class" with his derriere! Fo rizzle! -Allison

I don't know if he knows my name, but he knows my face -- and he wants to hug it. -Anne

We're going to nickname this course, "Fun with theory!" -Dr. Bressler

I AM Bear Grylls. -Rachel

Anne: You're telling jokes in your head!

Bethany: I am not!

Anne: You are! And the crowd is roaring with laughter.

I'm a doctor. I can fix your dangling participles. I can mend your broken infinitives. -Dr. Bressler

Shake your heads and bite your neighbors if you're with me. -Dr. Bressler

Close the door. I'm gunna say a word... Okay, what's a spermologist? ... It's not what you think. -Dr. Bressler

It's not Star Wars. It's Catholicism. -Bethany

I'm having an existential crisis! -Allison

My intellect is that of a rainbow. And you two are merely skittles. Just a taste of my own intellect. -Anne

Bethany: Who's that awkward, angsty boy who wants to date you?

Allison: Who ISN'T?!

Anne (looking at her baby pictures): Man, I really HAVE always loved cats.

Dude, she was totally diggin' my chili when I was mackin' it. -Mike

THERE'S THIS GIRL IN MY HALL AND SHE CAN BRAID ANYTHING! -Ashley H. 

Shannon: I know you thought I was awful, but I just wanted you to know I've changed.

Carrie: ... Can I be your friend on facebook again, then?

I like looking at the wine list on restaurants because I like to see how much money I'm saving. -Dr. Bressler

Luckily, they strangled him first then they started him on fire. -Dr. Bressler

And she was like, "Dag! What is going on with this world?" -Dr. Allison

I have a bouquet of verbal accolades... to bestow upon Dr. Elder. -Dr. Calvin

Listen to the voice, make the choice, and you will rejoice. -Dr. Calvin

People who sit in the back of chapel are the lowest dregs of society. -Zach Arneson

October

I think Christ would've liked ESPN, just sayin'. -Zach Arneson

The beard transcends all things. -Mike

You guys are balloons, I'm a pin cushion. -Mike

Can I just say that I love Lady Gaga's meat outfit. -Zach Aument

I'm going to learn SO much about mercy killing. -Anne

STEVE JOBS DIED?! THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT HISTORICAL MOMENT THAT HAS HAPPENED IN MY LIFETIME!! -Zach Aument

I had a huge crush on Arnold from Hey, Arnold! -Allison

Mike: Eric, YOU should play rugby!

Eric: Nah.

Mike: Why not?

Eric: I don't have time. Plus, I don't mean to be mean, but this looks like an ungodly amount of work.

He has a heart the size of a giant blue whale. -Michael Berens

I feel like Brittney Spears. -Dan, holding the mic

Bethany: Somebody! Give me a riddle!

Allison: What came first, ethics or morality?

Bethany: ... okay. You're fired.

I have the moral fortitude of a rock! ... a malleable rock. -Allison

Rachel: Anne, you've done something none of us have ever done before.

Bethany: I've ridden in a limo before.

Rachel: No, I mean ridden in a limo delivering fruit baskets to little ghetto children.

Kayla: I just let my taste buds do the talkin'. And this is what they came up with.

Amanda: Is that ice cream, coffee, and peanut butter?

Kayla: Don't worry about it.

You know what God says to Bethany? "You're MY jackass." -Dr. Bressler

I'm going to make an omnivore thread. ... I'm going to make a people-who-eat-their-dessert-first thread. -Bethany

Let's make an omnivore, caucasian, straight, evangelical pride parade. -Zach Arneson

I love when that happens. Why I drop something and it goes into the void of nothing. How convenient! What fortune! -Zach Arneson

Bethany: The texture of this couch is like an old, decrepit man.

Jordan: I'd have to respectfully disagree.

You should be a nurse. Or a doctor. Or a murderer. -Anne (to Zach Arneson)

Look at how high up my pants are. It's like an accomplishment. -Anne

He looks into my eyes when he looks into my mouth. Or maybe I look into his eyes. I just assume he's looking back. -Anne, talking about her dentist

I think that dogs should be big enough that they can't fit in a terrarium. -Zach Aument

There are plenty of white American families adopting children. Soon it's going to be the other way around. -Michael Berens

Rage -- pimpin'. It's all the same. -Allison

November

We're supposed to be a body! Not various appendages strewn about the room! -Leanne

You know what, I'm starting to once again be a fan of physical violence as a form of retribution. -Zach Aument

So, I've been in two kissing contests in my life... -Zach Aument

Bethany: Guys, I'm sorry I invade your lodge so much.

Zach Aument: Invade sounds hostile!

Zach Arneson: Does a flower invade the field where it flourishes?

These are the sort of things that will hinder me from getting a boyfriend one day. -Rachel, her dancing videos

I'm gunna give birth on a bull. -Noelle

Guys! The world's smallest elephant is dying! The people in it's country want everyone to pray for it. Its... hideous. -Emily L.

Well, I'm pregnant with Justin Beiber's baby, so... -Kayla

Dr. Allison: Today, you were supposed to bring in a beautifully crafted, perfectly written --

Allison: DRAFT.

I think the storm prevented me from having an existential crisis... but the night is still young. -Allison

What's your first response when someone hits you? 'I'm a Christian, hit me again!' NO! You wanna deck 'em! -Dr. Bressler

December

That is a syllagism you cant disapprove. Allison

You need to pay attention to what I post on twitter. That includes watching the youtube videos. -Allison, reprimanding the lodge

Actually, I just lift my hand like this and I start shootin' business cards out my butt. -Kayla

I just jingled and mingled, just to let you know. -Allison, walking in the door

I don't sit. I perch. -Bethany

I'm surrounded by preachers and teachers. No wonder I've been scolded a million times in the past 20 seconds. -Zach Arneson

I came to a Wesleyan school to get crunk... I've been extremely disappointed. -Mike

Let's hope my baby daddy is me. -Mike

Kim: Okay, that was a terrible hint. You need to stop thinking you're good at hints.

Nick: Oh no. All these years I've prided myself on hint-giving.

Oh, that's how small my fister's seet. -Spencer

January

"Okay, you look cool like Professor McGonagall and I just look stupid." -Kyla

"I put the Anne in aesthetic! ... Wait." -Kyla

"Ugh i dont like that feeling of nose in my stomach!!" -Zach Arneson

Jocelyn: Anne, it's girls night. Make some chocolate.

Zarneson: Oh good. I've got some cocoa beans in my pocket.

Anne: Oh good, I've got... all... the other stuff.

Anne: If I lived in Medieval times, I would be a blacksmith.
Zarneson: No. You'd either be a nun, a peasant, or a wife.
Anne: No. It's girl's night. I would be a blacksmith.
Zarneson: You're right. It's girl's night. You could be a blacksmith. You could be a husband. Whatever you want.
Allison: Zach, you would be a wench.
Zarneson: It's girl's night. No drama on girl's night.

There was this mosh pit, but people weren't moving. And they were like maybe doing this... they weren't dancing. I just don't understand why they were standing so close together if they weren't going to dance. They were like penguins, like, "Ooh, I'm cold." -Anne, describing Rebash New Year's Party

February

"I'm not gunna lie. My skin is that of aluminum." -Evan Mazellan

"What was I doing? Oh right, I was checking to see if we're still in the post modern age of writing." -Allison

Zach Arneson (wearing a slanket): Well, yes, Mike, my arms are quite warm and fully mobile!"
Jon: Oh okay, Zach, so your arms could be over there? (points across room)
Zach: Fully mobile doesn't mean omnipresent, Jon.

March

Mrs. V: We didn't do bell work yesterday because of the drug survey.

Student 1: Yay!

Student 2: I love drugs.

Student 1: I love surveys.

Mrs. V: All needs were met by that activity.

Love is not moldy ANYTHING. Maybe like moldy old age because we've been in love for so long together. -10th grade boy

This is a dumb love poem. I could write better poetry than this. Love is a balloon that flies real high. See? Easy. -10th grade boy, talking about Carl Sandburg

"I often mix up Michael Jackson and Tchaikovsky." -Nick Rassi

April

Pasta-free lasagna! What's the fun in that?! -Kyla Hyden

"If I were a man, I'd want to date Jeanette Jain. She's just the perfect size for me." -Anne

"I'm a frisbitarian. I believe that when you die, you go up on the roof and stay there forever" -Mrs. Vermilion

"I thought he was the man of my dreams, but as it turns out he's the man WITH my dreams" -Allison

"But what if this end doesn't taste like dryer sheets?" -Anne

"I'm going to get it on with my homework. In the most vulgar way you can imagine. ... It's not true, I'm not going to do that." -Anne

June

“UUURGGH! What were you doing in the back? You would t answer me and your donut was gone and I thought it was the rapture and I started praying!!” -Kayla

(Caught on Twitter)

"Anne, why are you sobbing. Its not the finals sob" -Kyla

I've never seen someone pray so fervently in thankfulness for Dairy Queen. -Bethany to Rachel

Dino catch phrase: Time to fossilize! -Kayla

"I'm with Noelle." -Kayla to the waiter at Yamato.

Feed your carrots vision! I mean... feed your kids carrots. -Kayla

Bethany: "Can I sit on your legs?" 
Anne: "Sure. Just don't sit on my fun dip!" 

I just have a LOT of questions about fish. -Rachel

Anne: "My cat Lily ate her babies WHILE they were coming out!" 

Kayla: "Anne, that's SICK." 

Bethany: "I love you Anne-ikin Skywalker Johns." 
Anne: "I love you, Bethany Skywalker Johns... Joy." 

When I die, I have to have antiques? Thats so much pressure. Dont buy anything new. I have to have antiques for my estate sale.-Rachel

Anne/Kayla (surprised): RACHEL! YOU'RE FUNNY TODAY!

You could get this for $1.50 at Walmart, why are you buying it for $10? Good morning, America. You're an idiot. -Kayla

Bar soap. Deodorant. I use that interchangeably. -Chet

I love it when I take off my glasses and I can't find nothing! -Kayla, in a British accent

'I once choked on a lifesaver. I think the only reason I didnt die was because of the tiny hole that enabled me to breathe' -Anne

Remember that time Anne thought "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" was a Gavin DeGraw song? -Bethany

Aubrey: "Aren't seals dangerous?" 

Me: "To... penguins."

Aubrey: "Yeah! I saw that in March of the Penguins... or Happy Feet."

"Those toes could crack walnuts." -Olympic commentator

Thats how I see myself. As kind of a person who would be in the Olympics. -Rachel

"Him's durgeous." -Bethany to Kayla

Kayla: "There's Mrs. Doubtfire!!!!"

Rachel: "What?! She's an alcoholic!?"

"Bethany, if you need to cry, you can. Just remember, Fawks cried and Dumbledore loved him." -Rachel

"Then they make him fly away- Voldemort doesnt fly! Not until book 7!" -Kyla

"There were like ladies on the floor doin' stuff" -Kayla

"I don't like my beverages wearing pants." -Matt Lutz

"This is a rough draft. I don't want the font to be so loopy and... typical." -Kyla (wedding planning)

Bethany: "How old is he" 

Kayla: "He's pretty little. Like zero." 

"Guys, would Ben Folds come if I invited him to a birthday party... for me...?" -Kayla

[Y2K NEW YEARS - Party Like It's 1999] 

Britt: "Remember when we dated?" 

Nick: "Yes. Worst 5 weeks of my life." 

Britt: "It was 6 months!"

"Better than jumping on the wedding bandwagon. Because that bandwagon is covered in some nasty, tacky-ass crap." -Nick

"Basements in california are basically giant rat homes." -Nick

"You guys, sitting on this chain really hurts my toucas." -Nick

"Oh my gosh, basketball is so 90's!" -Spencer

"It looks like Saved By the Bell threw up." -Spencer