Bethany: I gave you a 20 right?
Kayla: Right.
Bethany: So we're square?
Kayla: Square as a cucumber.
Your water pressure is BOMB. It's like "PSHHH!"-- washes all your sins away. -bethany
When they were doing all this construction - well... I don't know, I just would swear they moved that wall... -dr. burden
Our cat is two for two in diagnosing pregnancy. -dr. burden
If only I could kayak - then I would be graceful... -dr. burden
There's nothing wrong with the carrot - it's doing whatever it needs to do! -dr. burden
It's a lovely Marxist rant. -dr. burden
Emily: Hear that, everyone? Kayla lets the boys come to her.
Kayla: That's right. They come to me.
Everyone else is on 1.5 meals a day and I feel like a fatty. -emily
Emily: Guys, chemistry makes me want to punch babies!
Jeanette: Can I tell you something about punching babies?
Jeanette: Sorry, your room isn't a home until I've christened it with my flatulence.
Kayla: You "christened" it last time you were here.
Go pick up your legs and stuff 'em in your ears! -kayla
Kayla: You look all slumpy.
Bethany: Slumpy?
Kayla: Yeah. If you looked up slumpy in the dictionary, your... picture... well, okay, if slumpy WERE in the dictionary...
I've never had nutella... raw. -anne
Dad: There were these lizards with all these strips of rainbow colors, kind of like a hela monster.
Bethany: What's a hela monster?
Dad: Kind of like a bearded dragon.
Mom: NOT like a bearded dragon.
Dad: SORT of like a bearded dragon.
Mom: Nothing like a bearded dragon.
Dad: Exactly like a bearded dragon.
Mom: More like an iguana --
Dad: -- with a beard.
You mean you don't eat eggs and ham and beef for lunch?! If you're not eating three animals with your meal I don't know WHAT you're doing! -unknown
I left my sunflower seeds in the tree... -kayla
Good thing I sat in poop today and nobody told me. -kayla
We're not reading The Illiad anymore... we're reading... um... Oh-dippy-us. -kayla
No!! Stop! Stop making fun of me beacuse I can't read or write or do anything! -kayla
Once you're a politician, you're a what? A prostitute! -Prof Pengracic
Jesus was a lit major! -dr. bressler
The whole campus is having an affair with passive voice! -dr. bressler
Bethany: Are you...
Kelly: Am I...? Am I what? Am I secretly an alien?
Bethany: ... yes. That's what I was going to say. Are you secretly an alien.
Kelly: Well, I'll say this. If I were secretly an alient... I wouldn't tell you.
No. Listen. I think unless Umfundisi intercepted me, I think I could make it all the way to McConn before someone was like, "Dude, you're naked." -kayla
How would we treat poop in McConn? 'Cause that's how they treated the Indians. -kelly
I would buy you! ... and then sell you. -kayla
You know what I just discovered?? If you hold down the "Apple" button... and press "tab"... and keep holding down the "Apple" button... have you ever DONE that before?! -kelly
Jeanette, who are you eating for dinner? -kayla
I have a problem. I'm in an abusive relationship with my jeans. -katelyn b.
Megan: And I had told him that if he ever asked me to marry him, I would say yes.
Sam: How does that come up? Do you have to wait for a sign?
Megan: What?
Alecia: Sam needs dating help.
Jamie: We'll go to McConn.
Sam: I'm not your type.
Did you hear the news?? Jessie Bethany DIED! Kayla was eating it - Kayla Johnson was BITING it! -emily
Do you ever look at your hand and think there's not enough fingers there so you count them? -kayla
Jeanette: Can I tell you something about punching babies?
Jeanette: Sorry, your room isn't a home until I've christened it with my flatulence.
Kayla: You "christened" it last time you were here.
Go pick up your legs and stuff 'em in your ears! -kayla
Kayla: You look all slumpy.
Bethany: Slumpy?
Kayla: Yeah. If you looked up slumpy in the dictionary, your... picture... well, okay, if slumpy WERE in the dictionary...
I've never had nutella... raw. -anne
Dad: There were these lizards with all these strips of rainbow colors, kind of like a hela monster.
Bethany: What's a hela monster?
Dad: Kind of like a bearded dragon.
Mom: NOT like a bearded dragon.
Dad: SORT of like a bearded dragon.
Mom: Nothing like a bearded dragon.
Dad: Exactly like a bearded dragon.
Mom: More like an iguana --
Dad: -- with a beard.
You mean you don't eat eggs and ham and beef for lunch?! If you're not eating three animals with your meal I don't know WHAT you're doing! -unknown
I left my sunflower seeds in the tree... -kayla
Good thing I sat in poop today and nobody told me. -kayla
We're not reading The Illiad anymore... we're reading... um... Oh-dippy-us. -kayla
No!! Stop! Stop making fun of me beacuse I can't read or write or do anything! -kayla
Once you're a politician, you're a what? A prostitute! -Prof Pengracic
Jesus was a lit major! -dr. bressler
The whole campus is having an affair with passive voice! -dr. bressler
Bethany: Are you...
Kelly: Am I...? Am I what? Am I secretly an alien?
Bethany: ... yes. That's what I was going to say. Are you secretly an alien.
Kelly: Well, I'll say this. If I were secretly an alient... I wouldn't tell you.
No. Listen. I think unless Umfundisi intercepted me, I think I could make it all the way to McConn before someone was like, "Dude, you're naked." -kayla
How would we treat poop in McConn? 'Cause that's how they treated the Indians. -kelly
I would buy you! ... and then sell you. -kayla
You know what I just discovered?? If you hold down the "Apple" button... and press "tab"... and keep holding down the "Apple" button... have you ever DONE that before?! -kelly
Jeanette, who are you eating for dinner? -kayla
I have a problem. I'm in an abusive relationship with my jeans. -katelyn b.
Megan: And I had told him that if he ever asked me to marry him, I would say yes.
Sam: How does that come up? Do you have to wait for a sign?
Megan: What?
Alecia: Sam needs dating help.
Jamie: We'll go to McConn.
Sam: I'm not your type.
Did you hear the news?? Jessie Bethany DIED! Kayla was eating it - Kayla Johnson was BITING it! -emily
Do you ever look at your hand and think there's not enough fingers there so you count them? -kayla
History is like candy to me. -alex
I'm gunna spit in your shoe. I'm gunna spit in your face. And then I'm gunna take some spit and rub it on your pillow. -kayla
Bethany: This is hard.
Kayla: Nothing is hard. Just tell yourself that.
Get her a crispy chicken... with tomato... and ketchup - no. No ketchup. She likes things dry. Like dry humor. -kayla
Bethany: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. A bird in the hand is worth ten fly at large. Better one bird in hand then ten in the wood --
Kayla: -- better is one bird in your courts.
Bethany: What are you planning to do with TESOL?
Jeanette: I'm planning on... filling up a bathtub with money... and bathing in it.
There's no little man in your face. It's just sinuses. Grow up. -kayla
I want to have a cookie - a gathering - of people. With cookies. -jeanette
I had a dream when I just took a nap that I had this loaf of bread and it was inside this bag all tied up and for some reason knew there was a turtle... growing... inside the loaf of bread. I had the bread and I knew I couldn't eat it because there was a turtle growing instead of it. -kelly
Why are there two of me? -kayla
Isn't it funny how teeth cut through things? -kayla
People who have kids are suckers. -bethany
This is a dead nun. It's a whole genre of art. -dr. burden
Even if she was a loony, she was a loony that followed orders -- and that's very important in the Catholic church. -dr. burden.
Adi: There's a patron saint of the internet?!
Dr. Burden: ... well, yeah.
Dr. Bressler: Give me a sentence with a subordinate conjunction.
Peter: Since Alfred died --
Dr. Bressler: Oh you mean like King Alfred?
Peter: No. -- Batman had no Butler.
Your eyes look like Christmas morning. -jeanette
(coughing) I've got to change filter tips! -dr. bressler
"Paul then gathers the money to buy a real breakfast sandwich, and instead I eat a plate full of flatrooms." -alecia's report on paul
She didn't wear deodorant AND she didn't shave her armpits... but she was AWESOME. -noelle
Bethany: WEll, if you needed to salvage poop -- you would acquire a taste for it and that would be useful!
Kayla: You should waste poop! Because it's waste!
That's what I get for talkin' to a hair salon person about curing a sore throat! -haley
The scariest movie I have is... "The Italian Job" -kayla
(as the class argues about where to put another parking lot) KNOCK DOWN CARMIN! HEARTA CAMPUS! -sean watson
There was this nice lady in the student center who wanted to shoot this stuff up my nose and I said "sure!" -dr. burden
Mission statement: Kayla and Bethany are Christ-centered individuals committed to changing the night through through productivity and amusement through their night of all-nighting. -kayla/bethany
(text conversation)
Kayla: Can anyone come to Shatty Shake It Night?
Anne: Yeah! Bring a dolla! Its gonna b fun!
Kayla: How fo free?
Anne: What? Small shakes cost $1 and larges cost $1.50
Kayla: And its free?
You're so pretty. So natural. Like a fresh fruit smoothie. -jeanette
I'm actually quite voluptuous under all these layers. -allison
Atila the Hun was gay, doesn't that rock your world? Well, no. -dr. burden
How hard is it to find a bathroom downtown?! This is why people are arrested. -dr. bressler.
Thanks for the pickynutts. -emily c trying to say "pick me ups"
I'm a paraplegic - you can't leave me like this! -kayla
Kayla: Stop nubbin' around!
Bethany: That is NOT a phrase.
Kayla: Anything with the word "nub" is a phrase.
Wanna see somethin'? MY TOENAIL! -jeanette
Why's my Bible falling apart?! The crossing of the Jordan always wants to come out of my Bible - ever since last year! -kayla
Bethany: I don't remember the last time my socks matched.
Emily: I'm going to bed. When people start talking about socks, I leave.
Holy friendship bracelets, Batman! -jeanette
What is AIDS?? (laughter) No, wait! Let me defend myself! Didn't you say something about Elvis?? -jeanette
This is secret business... and I don't appreciate you looking over my wrists... to see it. -kayla
You are my little shishkabob numb numbs. -emily c
Bethany Joy Jedi Knight Red Leader Monica Lewinski Mueller, are you still watching movies with freshmen? -kayla
Bethany: Kayla, why do we need sleep?
Kayla: Because it's a spiritual discipline.
Where's my little pony? I wanna brush her hair. -kayla
Bethany: Hey Kayla you should put a role of quarters on your elbow and catch it.
Kayla: I'll put a role of quarters on YOUR elbow and catch YOU.
[Hannah interrupts]
Dr. Bressler: have you been baptized? (starts to uncap his water)
Dr. Bressler: (at Jeanette's book) It's a bastard copy.
Jeanette: But look how cute it is!
Dr. Bressler: Satan's cute too.
Yeah it was like we had 5 loaves of bread and 7 fish! -emilie
Noelle: I don't know how to transition into talking about Sudan
Lindi: My middle name's Sue.
Kayla: MY middle name's Dan.
Oh my goodness! I FORGOT THE ONESIE! -kayla
Your facial hair... it looks like it has something to say. -kearsten, amy, keith
Bethany: When you say "you", you mean people in general, right?
Kayla: I think I might just mean "me" in general.
I'm gunna verbally kick you in the face! -kayla
I went on a date to a deer processing plant. It... wasn't fun. -Adi
This is Augustine the First... actually, Augustine the Only. -dr. burden
Do they speak German in Switzerland? Or do they speak Sweden? -kayla
ONE time I used glue because I thought it was chapstick. -amy e.
I ate the first three feet and my mom hid it and then I ate the rest and I had to go to the emergency room because I was so constipated because I ate SIX FEET of gum. -rachel g.
Gahrrr... my computer's teaching me patience again. -kayla
I'm am SO productive right now! Look at my mess! -emily
Bethany: You know what would be really helpful to me but not helpful at all to you?
Kayla: If you wore MORE fuzzy socks?
Emily: I think I have fibro-Malaysia!
Kayla M: Fibromyalgia.
I'm about to turn somebody into a desk. -kayla
I think the disease of terets is one of the funniest things. Like... not in real life, but... are you writing this down? No, don't... I didn't come out right. -kayla
Bethany: ... Kayla. Get out of my bed.
Kayla (from under Bethany's covers): How did you KNOW?!
Bethany: I heard you movin' around back there.
Kayla: You did not.
Bethany: Actually, I'm psychic.
Kayla: Shut up, I hate that.
Bethany: No, I'm just hyper aware.
Kayla: I'm gunna hyper your aware.
You have a great laugh. I bet the first time you laughed when you were a baby your luagh broke into a thousand pieces and that's how fairies were born. -nick
It looks like a peed on it! I did not pee on my notebook! -kayla
Oh my gosh. IWU is on crack right now. -noelle
Kayla M: Why are there paper strips all over the floor?
Bethany: You know how animals pee on stuff when they're feeling rebellious?
Kayla: This is your rebellious pee?
Bethany: This is my rebellious pee.
It's both. It's latin for "seahorse" and "piece of brain". -nick
Business with friends isn't business, it's friendship. -nick
I want pot. The pot. I want THE pot. -bethany
Wait. What's pot? -christine
Do doctors shrink heads? -christine
I ask myself that everyday: Good morning, world - why do I have a lemon seed on my hand? -nick
I thought Diego was a waffle. -christine
We're in purgatory. We're somewhere between truffles and no truffles. Purgatory. -bethany
I know how to say "star slut" in German. -brittany
Yeah, Brittany, John Mayer. The first elephant man. -erin
What's potpourri? I that what Catholics eat? -bobby wrigley
Every stitch you have to drink a red bull. Now that's my kinda knitting. -nick
Since when did crochetting become a drinking game? -nick
Why do you use words that are bigysized in my brains of the cavemenfolk? -kayla
I too have attached an invisible document of vast importance. -keith sobus
I'm so lazy. I don't want to shower, I wanna be the Jetsons. -kayla
(talking about two words that sound the same and attempting to say "synonym") Kayla: It's like... syllabus!
Sarah: SyllaBI.
There's something about juice in a box that makes it taste better. -noelle
Ima single ladies outta here. -chelsea
I'm gunna sic my two points on you. -kay to pat (calvinism)
Don't judge me. I just have lots of chickens. -shoe
"Sanitary lunch" -- the best name of a restaurant ever. -spring break
Sometimes I like to use my hair as a coat. -christa
Don't know, don't tell. -mrs. johnson
